


Fellowship of the Rings: Moulin Rouge Style

by Soulstarsinger (soulstar)



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Implied Relationships, M/M, Not a Crossover, Parody, Song Lyrics, Spoof, Story told in song lyrics, but crackier, kind of like Moulin Rouge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-29
Updated: 2002-03-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 20:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1955313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulstar/pseuds/Soulstarsinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh, how to describe this. A somewhat slashy spoof / parody of the Fellowship of the Rings movie, inspired by Moulin Rouge, all done in song lyrics. From a wide variety of musical genres. Here, have a sample:</p>
<p><b>Frodo:</b>  The sun has got his hat on!  Hip hip hip hooray!  The sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play.<br/><b>Gandalf:</b>  There's noooo business like show business, like nooooo business I know!<br/><b>Hobbits:</b>  And tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999.  Cos we can-can-caaaan!  Yes we can-can-can!  Whooo!<br/><b>Frodo:</b> On my thirty-third birthday, my uncle left for me, One Goooo-oooold Ring!  Four calling birds, three French hens, Two turtle doves, and a Samwii-iise Gaa-aa-aamgee.<br/><b>Gandalf:</b> There may be trouble aheaaaaad....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fellowship of the Rings: Moulin Rouge Style

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Darcy for the 'Hills are alive' contribution. :-) Oh, and there are a couple of nods to the _BtVS_ musical ep in there, cos I just couldn't help it.  
>  DISCLAIMER: LotR belongs to the Tolkien Estate, all the lyrics belong to their respective owners (and if you think I'm going to even attempt to start naming them all, you're having a laugh). I own none of it. I'm just making my own fun.

**Frodo:** The sun has got his hat on! Hip hip hip hooray! The sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play.

**Gandalf:** There's noooo business like show business, like nooooo business I know!

**Hobbits:** And tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999. Cos we can-can-caaaan! Yes we can-can-can! Whooo!

**Frodo:** On my thirty-third birthday, my uncle left for me, One Goooo-oooold Ring! Four calling birds, three French hens, Two turtle doves, and a Samwii-iise Gaa-aa-aamgee.

**Gandalf:** There may be trouble aheaaaaad....

*****

**Gandalf:** Rollin, rollin' rollin', Gotta find that Gollum, 'cross Middle Earth I'm goin', Rawhide! O'er hills and many a border, I go to peek at Mordor, There's chaos and disorder, Rawhide!

*****

**Frodo:** Oh what a beautiful eeeeevening, Oh what a beautiful day...

 **Gandalf:** There will be trouble ahead. There will be death and destruction, we don't have much chance. But let's face the music, and dance!

**Frodo:** Like a bat outta hell I'll be gone when the morning comes.

**Frodo & Sam:** These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do.

**Gandalf:** Rawhiiiiiide!

**Ringwraiths:** The hillllls are alive with the sound of 'baaaggiinnnsssss... sssshhhiiiiiirrreeee'

**Merry & Pippin:** Mushrooms and 'tatoes might fill up your stomach, But carrots are a boy's best friend!

**Frodo, Sam, Merry & Pippin:** Rollin' rollin' rolliiiiiiiiiin'!

**Ringwraith:** High on his horse sat a lonely ringwraith, yodel, yodel-e-i, yodel-e-i-ooo!

**Hobbits:** Run to the rivvvvver! Run for your lii-ii-ife!

*****

**Hobbits:** We get knocked down, but we get up again. No you're never gonna keep us down! Pissing the night away.... pissing the night away.....

 **Merry & Pippin:** We have a whiskey drink, and then a lager drink, and then a cider drink, and then a vodka drink...

**Frodo:** I get knocked down, then put the One Ring on. Oh, you're never gonna spot me now. I get knocked down, and go invisible, and everything looks freakazoid now.

**Aragorn:** Pleased to meet you, hope you've guessed my name. But what's troublin' you is the nature of my game.

**Ringwraiths:** Like nine bats outta hell we'll be gone when the morning comes. When the night is over and the hobbits are dead we'll be gone, gone, gone.

**Aragorn:** Hi-ho, hi-ho! It's off to Rivendell we go!

**Hobbits:** These boots were made for walking. Luckily.

*****

**Saruman:** Let's twist again, like we did last summer. Oh, let's twist again! Like we did last year.

 **Gandalf:** You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, round round round round.

*****

**Aragorn:** Sleep little hooooobbits, saa-aaafe and sound. No-one quite knows why your heads are so round.

 **Sam, Merry & Pippin:** Food, glorious food!

**Ringwraiths:** Staaaaaand and deliver! The One Ring, or your life.

**Frodo:** I can't light no more of your daaa-aaarkness, All my pictures seem to fade to black and white, I'm growing tired and time stands still befooo-ooore me, Frozen here on the ladder of my life!

**Aragorn:** Come on baby, fight my fire.

**Hobbits:** He's gonna set the night on fiiiiiire!

**Aragorn:** Burn, baby, burn. Ringwraith inferno!

**Frodo:** Don't let the su-u-un go down on meee-eee-eee!

**Sam:** He's as cold as ice! I'm not willing to sacrifice our love!

*****

**Arwen:** Rawhide?

 **Ringwraiths:** Staaaaand and deliver!

**Arwen:** I'm gonna wash them wraiths right outta my..... river.

**Elrond:** A spooooonful of sugar makes the medicine! Go down!

*****

**Saruman:** Evil is the winner, baby, that's the truth.

 **Gandalf:** I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky!

*****

**Sam:** Take me down to the paradise city, where the trees are green and the elves are pretty.

 **Frodo:** There's nooooo place like hoooo-ooome, there's nooo-ooo place like home.

**Elrond:** It's creepy and it's kooky, it's dangerous and spooky, there's just one thing to do -ee, the ring must be destroyed!

**Boromir:** No, we can't!

**Legolas:** Yes we can!

**Boromir:** No we can't!

**Legolas, Aragorn & Gimli:** Yes we can, yes we can, yes we caaaaaan!!

**Hobbits:** We're all going on a, ring quest, mission, thing.

**Whole Fellowship:** Loads of danger for a, year or two. Off to Mordor with the evil master ring, Should be a doddle, it's truuuu-uuu-uue. For a year or twoooo.

*****

**Merry & Pippin:** Biiiiill the Pony, can he carry it? Biiiiiiill the Pony, yes! he! can!

 **Fellowship:** Weeeeee're dreaming of a whiiiiite Caradhras.

**Legolas:** I'm walking in the air. I'm floating in the frozen sky.

**Frodo:** I get knocked down, but I get up again. Now Boromir has got my ring. I get knocked down, but I get up again. Least he's given back the pesky thing.

**Fellowship:** An avalanche is falling on our heads. An avalanche is falling and we're likely to end up dead, dead, avalanche is falling, falling on our heads!

**Gimli:** Take me down to Moria city, where the mines are deep and the dwarves are pretty!

*****

**Gandalf:** Knock, knock, knockin' on Moria's door.

 **Watcher:** *theme tune from Jaws*

**Frodo:** I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

**Aragorn & Legolas:** We are the champions, dear friend, and we'll keep on fighting, to the end!

*****

**Fellowship:** The road is looo-oo-ong, with many a wiiiiinding turn! It's dark, and the dwarves, are all gone.

 **Frodo:** So what happens now? So what happens now? Where am I going to?

**Fellowship:** Where are we going to?

**Gandalf:** Don't ask any more.

**Fellowship:** The road is long....

**Gimli:** He ain't heavy.... he was my cousiiii-iii-iin.

**Pippin:** Everything louder than everything else!

**Orcs & Cave Troll:** We will, we will, kill you!

**Legolas:** I'll shoot that poison arrow, to the heaaa-aa-aa-art!

**Fellowship:** Run out of the hill! Run for your lii-ii-ife!

**Balrog:** Dance (dance!) into the fire!

**Gandalf:** This is when I give in and cry, Live and let die.

**Fellowship:** You used to say live and let live! You know you did, you know you did, you know you did.

**Gandalf:** Live and let diiiie!

*****

**Gimli:** Dude! Looks like a lady!

 **Elves:** We're men! We're men in tights! We roam around the forest looking for fights.

**Galadriel:** There may be trouble ahead. Watch for betrayal, don't give him the chance. Or face the music, and dance.

**Frodo:** So what happens now?....

**Galadriel:** Gimme, gimme, gimme the ring after midnight. But I don't really want it, so now take it away.

**Fellowship:** Row, row, row yer boat, gently down the stream....

**Argonath:** Stop! In the name of love!

*****

**Frodo:** This is mad. I feel sad and blue....

 **Boromir:** If you give me the ring, you'll feel, shiny and new!

**Frodo:** Run for the hiiiiills!

**Boromir:** I can't stop thinkin', thinkin' about that ri-ing. It's a bad obsession, it's always messin', it's always messin' my mind!

**Frodo:** I get knocked down, then put the One Ring on. Oh, you're never gonna spot me now. I get knocked down, and go invisible, and everything looks freakazoid now.

**Sauron:** You get knocked down, and put the One Ring on. I'm the only one can see you now.

**Frodo:** But I won't be burned by the reflection, of the fire in your eye, as it's burnin' like the sun, oh-oh, oh no, as it's burning like the sun.

*****

**Orc Army:** We will, we will, Kill you! We will, we will, Kill you!

 **Merry & Pippin:** Run down the hill! Run for your lii-ii-ife!

**Boromir:** Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive! Ah, ah, ah, ah, argh!!

**Aragorn:** Stop! In the name of love!

**Lurtz:** I shot the sheriff, I did not shoot the King-wannabe.

**Boromir:** Ah, ah, ah, ahhhhh.....

**Aragorn:** Don't leave me this way-ay-ay!

**Boromir:** Did you ever know that you're my hero? Everything I wished I could be. I could fly higher than an eagle. For you are the wind beneath my wings. *dies*

*****

**Sam:** Mr Frodo! I can't liiiiiive, if livin' is without yoooooou!

 **Frodo:** Believe me I don't wanna go, and it'll grieve me cause I love you so.

**Sam:** Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, to keep me from yooo-ooou! Ain't no river wide enouu..... *glug*

**Frodo:** Sam! Don't, don't leave me this way!

*****

**Aragorn, Legolas & Gimli:** Oh! We will survive! Just as long as we know how to fight we know we'll stay alive. Cos we've got all these Orcs to kill, and rescue Merry and Pippin still. We will survive, we will survive, we will surviiiive!

*****

**Frodo & Sam:** What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather?

 **Sam:** Cause Iiiii-iiiii-iiiii Iiii-iiii will always love yooooooooou.

**Frodo & Sam: ** Nothing we can't face..... except for Sauron......

*FADE TO BLACK*

END


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